If anyone had as much as slightly hinted to me a few years ago that I would ‘’Find Jesus’’ and would be voluntarily spending my Sunday mornings with people of the church, I’d have asked what you were drinking.
Yet, here I am, a man who genuinely adores settling into a Sunday morning service with a blessing of lovely people surrounding me as we praise God in all of His glory. But let’s be real: some Sundays, that ‘’peace’’ feels less peaceful than others, and our spiritual selves feel like they’ve gone M.I.A (‘missing in action’).
We’ve all been there, it’s been very much like that for me this week, in all honesty, caught up in the hustle of a hectic week, feeling like I’ve lost my way a little. But do you know what?
That’s alright to feel that way. Let’s look at this as nothing more than a ‘’Religious rut.’’
That moment when your faith feels less like a ‘’cup runneth over’’ and more like a lukewarm, grainy dreg at the bottom of an almost forgotten mug of ‘’builders tea.’’ (yum!)
The ‘’I’m Failing at Being Holy’’ spiral begins, and the doubt feels heavy, almost like a migraine of a burden. What changed? Why do I feel so disconnected all of a sudden? Is it me? Something I’ve done? Not worthy of God’s grace? Someone, or something, please remind me!
When you’re returning to faith, there’s this shiny ‘’honeymoon phase’’ Every prayer feels like a cinematic moment. But then, the ‘’messy kitchen’’ of life happens, you show up to service feeling flustered, and the liturgy feels like it’s missing the mark and less like a heavenly conversation, and more like a very long script where you’ve forgotten your cues.
And let’s talk about the ‘’blind leading the…well…me!’’ aspect. Navigating a busy Sunday service when you’re sight-impaired/blind is essentially an extreme sport in itself! And then
there’s trying to remember all the words, and feeling like you’ve fallen short. You start to panic. Is it me? Did God swap out the WiFi password to heaven and forget to tell me?
The beauty of ‘’Autopilot’’ Grace…
One of the best things about our faith is that it is built for people who often find themselves ‘’stuck in a rut.’’ If you feel a slight disconnect, that’s alright too. Look at it like this, it doesn’t
matter if I’m feeling like a spiritual powerhouse, or if I’m internally grumpy because I didn’t get enough sleep last night. The door is still open, the bread is still broken, wine still poured,
and Jesus understands your struggles.
There is a huge amount of comfort in knowing that when I’ve got nothing left in the tank to give, the Church carries me. The prayers have been said for centuries; they don’t require my
‘’good vibes’’ in order for them to work.
If you currently find yourself in the ‘’desert’’ of your faith, here’s my honest take –
Stop, and take a little time, God knows you’re tired. He made you afterall! If your only prayer today is ‘’Lord, I’m here, but I’m struggling to focus,’’ that is a 100% valid conversation.
Embrace the little things that aren’t always that little –
Sometimes, just going through the motions is an act of love on its own. It’s like showing up for your mate’s birthday party, when you’d much rather be tucked up on the sofa in your PJs with a takeaway and a cheeky beer. You’re there because you care, not because you’re being entertained.
Laugh amongst the chaos! – It’s okay to find some things at the church funny. For example, when the speaker mispronounces a word or two in the middle of his/or her reading. I’ll not mention any names here, but if you know, you know! God has a sense of humour; He has to, considering He put me in charge of my own spiritual life!
My final thoughts over an extra strong brew?
Faith falling short doesn’t mean the light has gone out; it just means you are human. We aren’t robots programmed to be in a constant state of religious ecstasy. We’re just people trying to find our way home, and occasionally tripping over the kneeler along the way.
So, if you are feeling the silence today, don’t worry. Grab a coffee, be kind to yourself, and remember: even in the ruts, you are deeply loved. To God be the glory – even when we’re just winging it!
Blessings,
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